So, my friend, Neeve, told me about this book, "The 5 Love Languages - The Secret To Love That Last" by Gary Chapman, some time ago after having a discussion on what makes one feel more loved and the power of it. Stating it will help me find what my primary love language is, out of these 5 choices:
1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
2. QUALITY TIME
3. RECEIVING GIFTS
4. ACTS OF SERVICE
5. PHYSICAL TOUCH
I was super curious to read the book but just didn't get around to it.
Then my friend, Kim, told me about the book as well, and in the midst of our discussion I ordered it on my kindle right then and there. Taking it as a sign, I need to read this promptly.
I shared this information about the book to my book reading partner, Toi, and we read it together.
Some powerful and deep stuff by Mr. Chapman.
This book allowed me to understand what exactly went wrong in past relationships and why I do certain things in relationships.
After reading, I understood that, I filled so many love tanks, which is described as the filling up of the type of love you require, but no one was filling mine. Which resulted in me looking, constantly. Even, sometimes, while in a relationship.
I was able to even equate this to all my relationships, including friendships and family.
I have the heart of my mother, always doing and looking out for others, but no one, neither us, looks out for us. So, this constant battle of fulfillment happens. When actually, no one is filling our love tank.
Through reading this book, I realized my primary love language is ACTS OF SERVICE. I thought it was words of affirmation but that's my dialect. I discovered this by the very thing I vent about always. Me doing so much for everyone else but if I ask a favor I'm returned with how someone can't or won't do something. When I'm in a relationship I cater to you. Hard. Cooking, cleaning, helping and always making sure you're being looked after, but I've haven't recieved that back. My dialect though is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, let me know you witness all I've done for you and you genuinely appreciate it. In hindsight, that is another act of service, in a sense.
I was able to breakdown old relationships and understand, even, what I wasn't doing for them which caused them to feel unloved.
For instance, one relationship I realized that quality time is what they really needed to feel loved. I wasn't giving that and the relationship went left in a bad way. Plus, my love tank wasn't being filled. Yeah, a disaster. So we were constantly disagreeing. I see why now.
I say all this to say, discover what fills your love tank and discover it in others on all levels. It will help you communicate, help you love better and allow you to relate to people clearly.
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